Angry About…Alien Invasions

For every good alien invasion picture there are 20 bad films surrounding different interpretations of non-human existence. After the UFO incident in Roswell in 1947, the general population has been fascinated by the potential existence of life outside of earth. Within 10 years of the Roswell incident the Hollywood machine had churned out nearly 20 alien films. The 50’s brought us classics such as The Day the Earth Stood Still, The Thing From Another World (which John Carpenter’s classic The Thing was partially based on), Forbidden Planet and Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Fifty-five years later Tinsel Town is still taking a crack at the genre (even if it means remaking fifty-five year old films). All avenues have been exhausted when it comes to films surrounding an alien invasion. Even Super 8 was a well-made film that lost me when the alien was revealed. How can Hollywood surprise us? Well . . . they can start by taking a sabbatical from the genre. Alien invasion films are tired . . . and I’m angry about it. I would recommend District 9 and Attack the Block to anyone, but like I said, 1 good film for every 20 . . .

Men In Black 3 – I like the time travel aspect, but this is as tired as Tommy Lee Jones looks.

Mars Needs Moms – Even animated aliens seem like a tired exercise these days. The film is one of the biggest bombs of all time.

Paul – E.T. with a sense of humor. Maybe he found something funny about the $37 million dollar U.S. gross.

Cowboys & Aliens – Easily the biggest disappointment of 2011. Bad acting by Harrison Ford aside, the last 30 minutes features one of the most under-whelming human vs. alien battles of all time. Yes . . . all-time.

Apollo 18 – A found footage movie about a secret mission to the Moon. When the mechanical spiders appear you say to yourself, “Why the F*ck am I watching this again?”

Battle: Los Angeles: The trailers had me interested, suggesting we might see Black Hawk Down with aliens. Instead I saw a remake of Independence Day without Will Smith’s wisecracks.

The Darkest Hour: Aliens shoot you and you disappear faster than this did in theaters.

I Am Number Four: An alien hides out on earth hoping to set up a film franchise. Whoops . . .

Skyline: 20 years ago, the money shots in the trailer would have probably made this a blockbuster. In 2010 people said “been there, done that” and the film bombed.

The Fourth Kind: Unexplained disappearances are investigated in Alaska. Audiences subsequently launch an investigation on where their $10 went.

The Day the Earth Stood Still: The 2008 remake with Keanu Reeves is on the Top 10 list of pointless remakes and the Top 10 list of worst remakes. Almost impossible to get through . . .

The Invasion: The 2007 remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers landed in theaters with a major thud, grossing $5 million dollars in its opening weekend. The film went on to gross $15 million dollars on an $80 million dollar budget. Watch the film and you will wonder how they could have spent $80 million dollars.

The Thing: Yet another remake of a classic film. Yet another bomb . . .

Alien vs. Predator:  The two icons fight in the dark about 20 years too late.

Super 8: J.J. Abrams nod to Spielberg is decent . . . until you see the alien. The creature does nothing but remind the audience that the genre is tired.

Meet Dave: Aliens that look like humans inside a spaceship that looks like a human. Who comes up with this shit?

Green Lantern: Aside from the casting of Ryan Reynolds and the horrible dialogue, Lantern made a huge mistake by having half the movie take place on an alien planet made up of bad CGI.

Spider-man 3: Sam Raimi’s franchise was destroyed by injecting supernatural elements and Venom into his Spidey-world. Audiences cringed every time the black alien substance graced the screen.

Dreamcatcher: The 2003 adaptation of Stephen King’s novel is just plain silly . . . and terrible.

Battleship: The jury may still be out on this one, but the trailers make this look like nothing more than an alien invasion flick.



Source : CMP Original