Bad movies come and go . . . I get that. In fact, I just recently watched the Straw Dogs remake and forgot about it the second the credits started rolling at the end. Yet, I have been having a difficult time getting Shark Night 3D off of my mind since I mailed it back to Netflix. I’m not sure how a film such as Shark Night 3D gets financed, produced and filmed. Screenwriters Will Hayes and Jesse Studenberg’s first screenplay will likely be their last. Director David R. Ellis should go back to doing stunts on films such as Hotel for Dogs and The Man Without a Face. Perhaps his next job directing a film about professional jet skiing was given to him after someone watched Shark Night. Yes . . . I’m Angry. Let me explain (I don’t mind spoiling some aspects of the film since I am doing you a favor here) . . .
I mention Piranha repeatedly because I blame the films moderate success for producing Shark Night . . .
PG-13? Yep . . . A campy film promising shark attacks galore rated PG-13 . . . Unbelievable. Can you believe it? I can’t. In fact, I 
didn’t know this until after I watched the movie. At least the far superior Piranha 3D made good on its gory premise. People were promised blood in 3D and they got it. Shark Night 3D has less gore than any Jaws film and Deep Blue Sea. Here is what the filmmakers master plan entailed . . . Market the movie similar to Piranha 3D (which made $83 million dollars worldwide), scale the movie back to PG-13 without making it obvious and kids under 13 without a parent will have access. Genius . . . Wait . . . The movie made $38 million dollars on a $48 million dollar budget. Whoops.
Speaking of the $48 million dollar budget . . . I can’t figure out how this movie cost more than The Artist (or any film shot for over $10 million dollars). The film essentially is shot at lake house and the actors don’t get any more famous than Sara Paxton, Donal Logue and Katharine McPhee. Oddly enough, the film cost more than Piranha 3D which featured Elisabeth Shue, Ving Rhames, Jerry O’Connell, Adam Scott and Richard Dreyfuss. Is Katharine McPhee really making as much as Jerry O’Connell these days? Ok…never mind.
Forget the actors, the CGI is brutal . . . The CGI is some of the worst I have scene in a theatrically released film since Highlander 2: The Quickening. The bi-lateral agreement between the filmmakers and the paying audience is this: Filmmakers provide entertaining Sharks in 3D and the audience gives up $10 of their hard earned money. Anything on the SyFy Channel on a Saturday night is more entertaining . . .
Forget the CGI, T&A is nowhere to be found . . . The PG-13 blew any chance of T&A in the movie. The closest we get is a few shots of the female leads in their swimwear. At least Piranha 3D and the aptly titled Piranha 3DD have a sense of humor about it.
Forget the T&A; Wait until you hear this . . . At the outset of any shark movie, the audience must immediately suspend their disbelief. In Jaws: The Revenge (the fourth film in the series) the Great White travels from Amity to the Bahamas in search of Ellen Brody. The premise was easily the most unbelievable of any shark film . . . until Shark Night 3D. Get this . . . an assortment of sharks mysteriously appear in a salt water lake in a small town. How is that possible? Well . . . the sheriff and his cronies have been stocking the lake for years with sharks. Why? Hoping to strike a deal with TV producers and web venture capitalists, the trio has been strapping video cameras to sharks and recording deadly attacks. Luckily the sheriff divulges his master plan of turning the footage into a reality show as he slowly lowers one of the teenagers into the water. How were they able to catch all of these sharks? How do they have the means to strap cameras onto the sharks? Who is funding this project? Why did I watch Shark Night 3D? Do yourself a favor and don’t find yourself in the position of asking the same questions.
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Source : CMP Original
